Domestic violence
Domestic violence can happen to any individual at any age, social class and at any point in a relationship. It is usually the woman who is on the receiving end of the abuse with the male as the abuser. The abuser uses fear and power to control the victim and keep the abuse a secret – contained usually within the four walls of their home.
Domestic violence is not just physical or sexual abuse but can also be carried out in more subtle ways. Emotional, psychological, financial and verbal have just as devastating and long term effects without leaving the visible bruises. Being told constantly how worthless you are or humiliated, embarrassed or isolated from family and/or friends is behaviour that no individual has the right to force another to experience. Alcohol and drug dependency can be factors in escalating episodes of domestic violence.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO:
- Live in a safe and secure environment
- To be treated with respect and consideration at all times
If you are living with domestic violence you may be experiencing some of the following effects:
- Emotional abuse by becoming used as the go between for your parents during an argument
- You may have had to physically stand between your parents to protect one of them during a fight
- Feeling intimidated and confused by the behaviour or your parents. These are the people that are meant to be there for you to provide love and support yet you are feeling as though you are the grown up in this situation
It is not uncommon for youth who are coming from a domestic violence background to grow up quicker than their peers – you may have found yourself having to look after younger siblings, make meals, laundry etc.
If you are living with domestic violence you may feel that you are isolated from school friends. You may not want to invite others over to your home as you feel embarrassed or scared with what is happening. It is important that you speak out to end the violence. Talk with an adult who can help you such as a guidance counsellor, family members or your doctor.
Help and Assistance:
Shelters often offer temporary as well as transitional living programs, where women and their children can live in an agency-owned apartment for an extended period of time, during which they receive counselling and assistance. To be accepted into a program, women are interviewed and must demonstrate need. The cost is generally on a sliding scale, dependent on a woman's ability to pay. There is usually a waiting list for transitional living apartments because it is a much-needed service. For children, group and individual counselling, education and play-therapy services, along with case management services are often available. About half of residents in domestic violence shelters are children.
**This information is considering the victims are you and your mother; however this information is equally relevant if the victims are you and your father/male caregiver
Below are some suggestions as to what you can discuss together………..
*** It is very important that you talk this through with an adult who you trust and not just come up with the plan by yourself ***
Personal safety plan discussion points
- Know what information you will need to give the police – your name, address, that you/your mom is being assaulted when you dial 911
- Have a trusted person that you can call in case of an emergency
- Practice an escape plan – what to do, where to go, who to call, a meeting place for when it is safe to meet up with your family. Take the time to go through this with your mom, siblings and any other person living in the house with you.
- Have a code word that can be used to let the person know you are in immediate danger and they should call the police.
- If you are the person calling the police, use a phone that is out of sight of the abuser. Leave the phone off the hook when you have finished the call. Sometimes the police may call back and this could put you in an dangerous situation
- In a dangerous situation it is important that you put yourself in a safe place – it is not your responsibility to make sure your mom is safe
- If possible have an emergency supply of money, clothes etc at a friend house just in case you have to leave the house in an urgent situation
