Domestic Violence
Domestic violence usually happens between two adults who are living together or in a relationship. One adult (usually the man) bullies the other (usually the woman) by saying hurtful things, making her scared and/or frightened or hurt the person physically.
Do any of these things happen in your house?
- Lots of arguments and fighting between the adults
- Your mom gets hurt by being pushed or hit
- Your mom gets shouted at and called names
- Objects get thrown or broken
- You and your brothers and sisters feel frightened and scared
Do you ever feel?
- Scared
- Sad
- Alone
- Upset
- Frightened
- Confused
If you do then you may be living in a house where there is domestic violence.
You might find that people in your family want to keep this a secret and that your mom is hoping you do not know that the domestic violence is going on. Remember this is not your mom’s fault or your fault. Neither of you are to blame this is a decision made by the abuser to behave in this way. The abuser is in the wrong and they know it which is why they try to keep this a secret.
Talk to your mom about how it makes you feel.
Tell another person in the family if you can, maybe an aunt or grandparent.
Talk to an adult you trust outside the family too. This may be a teacher, counsellor, doctor about what is happening at home.
Keep telling until someone is able to help you and your family
What to do in an emergency:
NEVER physically stand in between the adults involved in the physical fighting. Find a safe place to go
If you have neighbours and it is safe to do so go to their house for help
It is a good idea to devise a safety plan with your family and/or a trusted adult so if you find yourself in a dangerous situation everybody knows what the safety plan is.
Below are some suggestions as to what you can discuss together………..
*** It is very important that you talk this through with an adult and not just come up with the plan by yourself ***
Personal safety plan discussion points
- Know what information you will need to give the police – your name, address, that you/your mom is being assaulted when you dial 911
- Have a trusted person that you can call in case of an emergency
- Practice an escape plan – what to do, where to go, who to call, a meeting place for when it is safe
- Have a code word that can be used to let the person know you are in immediate danger and they should call the police
- If you are the person calling the police, use a phone that is out of sight of the abuser. Leave the phone off the hook when you have finished the call. Sometimes the police may call back and this could put you in an dangerous situation
- Have a safe place to meet up with your family when the situation is safe
- In a dangerous situation it is important that you put yourself in a safe place – it is not your responsibility to make sure your mom is safe
- If possible have an emergency supply of money, clothes etc at a friends house in case you need to leave your house in an emergency
